Not Every Wedding Is Simple - Social & Family Dynamics Are Hard
- Apr 12
- 2 min read
Not every wedding guest list is straightforward.
Sometimes parents are divorced and being in the same room is not only awkward, but too hard. Sometimes inviting one person means not inviting another. And sometimes not everyone is able (or willing) to show up for the couple getting married.
As a San Francisco photographer with over 20 years of experience, I see couples struggling with the social dynamics of wedding planning quite often.
The issue usually comes up gently. A couple will mention their worries in passing, or ask a question that is really about something else. "How do we keep this small without hurting feelings?" "What do we do if including only one parent creates tension with the other?"
There is no clean answer, but I have some thoughts...
One of the better solutions I have discussed with clients recently is separating the moments instead of forcing everything into a single day. For instance, create a small wedding with the people who feel easy to be around, then a separate trip later to celebrate with a parent or a different group of friends. This structure of brides and grooms traveling instead of wedding guests, shifts the emotional (and budgetary) pressure away from the wedding itself. It also extends the celebration beyond one day (yay!), and changes the way each celebration day feels.
From behind the camera, the difference is visible as people are less aware of who is standing where or how conversations are landing. There is less managing.
This solution does not make these types of situations simple- they rarely are. But the wedding day can still feel like it belongs to the couple...and in the end, that is usually what matters.
Jody Holman is a Bay Area photographer specializing in inclusive, natural-light photography for weddings, proposals, families, and portraits across San Francisco, Napa, Sonoma, and the California coast.
