What Your Wedding Timeline Might Be Missing
Almost every wedding has that moment when the ceremony ends, the couple turns to face their guests, everyone applauds, and the hugs, congratulations and celebrations begin. It is a wonderful, happy commotion, but after more than twenty years of photographing weddings, I have come to appreciate how easily couples can lose some of the most precious moments of their day in all the excitement.
There are a few moments that most couples do not think to include in their wedding timeline, but that I almost always recommend. One of my favorites is a little escape immediately after the ceremony, before the newlyweds rejoin their guests. It does not need to be an elaborate portrait session or another tightly scheduled activity, but rather five or ten minutes together to enjoy the fact that they have actually done it.
After the Ceremony: Ten Minutes for Yourselves
I notice something different about couples immediately after their ceremony. The anticipation has passed, the nerves have settled, and they are often a little giddy as they take in what has just happened. Some laugh, some cry, and others exchange a look that seems to say, "We did it!".
These are some of my favorite moments to photograph, and I generally try to stay out of the way and let the couple enjoy them. We almost always take a few portraits, because couples understandably want photographs of themselves together, but I find that the candid, semi-private moments often produce the most meaningful images. There iss a wonderful spontaneity to those first minutes, particularly when the couple is not thinking about the camera.
I often suggest that we step away from the crowd, perhaps into a garden or along a quiet path, where the couple can have a little time to themselves. Once they return to the celebration, friends and family will naturally want their attention, and finding another opportunity to slip away can prove surprisingly difficult.
At a large wedding, a couple can sometimes disappear unnoticed, but at a micro wedding with fifteen guests, their absence tends to be rather more conspicuous. That does not mean they should not take a few minutes together; it simply means thinking about what their guests might enjoy in the meantime.
Champagne and appetizers are perfectly good entertainment, as are a little wine tasting, a garden to explore, or a game of cornhole. I have seen guests provide lawn games that quickly become part of the fun, and a guest book or framed photograph for everyone to sign gives people something to do while visiting with one another. Guests do not need a carefully organized activity for every minute, and most are perfectly happy to enjoy a drink and catch up with friends.
Before the Ceremony: A Different Kind of First Look
The first look has become something of a wedding institution, and I understand why. Seeing each other before the ceremony can calm nerves, give couples a private moment together and make the photography schedule a little easier.
It has also evolved into a rather entertaining opportunity for mischief. There is a growing trend of best men and friends dressing in wedding gowns to surprise an unsuspecting groom, which is certainly one way to relieve the tension. But a first look is not for everyone, and there is no reason to manufacture one simply because it has become customary.
Couples who want to preserve the surprise of seeing each other at the ceremony might exchange letters beforehand, perhaps delivered by a friend or sibling. A private toast with a parent, a few minutes with a grandparent, or a last conversation with a close friend can be just as meaningful. I particularly love those quieter moments with parents before the processional begins. Once the ceremony starts, everyone assumes a role and the day gathers momentum. Sometimes the most memorable interaction happens while someone straightens a collar, fastens a bracelet or shares a story they have told a hundred times before.
Rethinking the Receiving Line
Many couples make the rounds to every table during dinner so they can thank their guests and spend a little time with everyone who has gathered to celebrate with them. While it is a thoughtful tradition, I have noticed that couples do not always enjoy it as much as they expect. They end up interrupting conversations, catching people in the middle of their meals and spending much of their own dinner on their feet.
Informal Wedding Receiving Line and Group Photos 
I photographed a wedding where the couple came up with a much more enjoyable alternative. Before dinner, they stationed themselves in one spot, drinks in hand, and invited small groups of friends and family to come over and visit. It was a kind of informal receiving line, although it did not feel like one. Everyone had a chance to chat, we made a photograph of each group, and the couple got to enjoy their dinner afterward rather than spend it circulating from table to table. It was relaxed, efficient and surprisingly fun especially since nobody had to be summoned away from their meal, and the group photographs happened naturally as part of the celebration. It was a good example of how a small change to a familiar tradition can make a wedding feel much more personal.
Step Away and Watch Your Own Wedding
Someone gave me a piece of advice before my own wedding that turned out to be among the best I received: at some point during the celebration, steal away together and find a place where you can watch everything happening without being in the middle of it. You spend a year or more planning a wedding, but the day itself passes so quickly that afterward you may remember only snippets of it.
I vividly remember standing in a corner under an awning with my new husband, holding on to each other as we watched the people we loved laughing, dancing and singing. We weren't greeting guests or participating in the festivities, but simply taking in this wonderful celebration we'd brought together. It is still one of my favorite memories of my wedding, and I doubt I would have had it if someone had not encouraged us to deliberately steal that moment.
I often pass that advice along to couples now. Find a balcony, a doorway or somewhere just outside the crowd where you can see the celebration unfolding. Take a few minutes to enjoy the view together before heading back into the party. You might also consider a short walk after dinner, or a last dance when the guests have departed.
Leave Room for the Unexpected in Your Wedding Timeline
When you are planning a wedding, it is easy to concentrate on the ceremony, photographs, dinner and dancing without giving much thought to the little spaces in between. This can be especially true of intimate weddings, where couples sometimes feel obligated to spend every minute with their guests. But even at a wedding with fifteen people, your closest friends and family will surely understand if you want a few minutes alone together.
I love a good wedding timeline because it keeps everyone organized, but some of my favorite moments are the ones nobody thought to schedule: a father lingering for an extra hug, a friend appearing with champagne at exactly the right moment, or a couple bursting into laughter after the ceremony. You cannot plan these interactions, but you can leave enough breathing room in the day to enjoy them.
After all the time you have spent planning your wedding, give yourselves a chance to experience it, too. Sometimes that means joining the celebration, and sometimes it means stepping away together for a few minutes to watch it all unfold.
Planning a wedding in San Francisco, Napa, Sonoma or along the California coast? I photograph weddings and elopements with a relaxed, candid approach that leaves room for the moments you didn't plan. Learn more about my wedding and elopement photography.
Jody Holman is a San Francisco Bay Area wedding and elopement photographer with more than 20 years of experience capturing celebrations of all sizes. Known for her natural, candid approach, she photographs weddings, intimate ceremonies and surprise proposals throughout San Francisco, Napa and Sonoma Wine Country, Carmel and Monterey.
